WHY?

so last night was pretty cool because i got to ride my bike finally. i was really excited because i was able to bring my bike down here with me...and as many of you probably know, i love to ride my bike :) it was a little terrifying to bike around a place ive never been before, but i was careful to only go places i was somewhat familiar with. i was able to ride down to the beach and then i rode along the beach a little. the beach was beautiful :) and after a very hot day (high around the mid to high 90s), the breeze on the ocean felt amazing. the best part was right before i made it to the beach, i could just smell the ocean as i got closer and closer. i just love that smell :)

the road that i traveled down to get to the ocean had a lot of empty lots with remnants of houses. i wished i had brought my camera with me so i could take some pictures...there was even one property with a tent planted in the middle of a torn down structure. i will be sure to take pictures later to post.

this morning, the group of college kids from georgia left, so today was a very slow day because there were no volunteers here. so it was a day off for the few that were still here. i ran some errands with jamie this morning, cooked some lunch, and then i tagged along with the pastor and jamie to look at potential work sites for volunteers.

first, we went to the house of an old woman who needed a ramp built for her front porch. she was the funniest old lady who shared several random, funny stories with us. she had hip replacement surgery and needed the ramp to help her get in and out of her house easier. she said that one of the screws in her hip had shifted and that with the slightest wrong movement, the screw would move around causing her excruciating pain. it was so sad to hear, but the woman had such a good attitude about her condition. she told us stories about her dogs and her nephew and even one about how she called the doctor and told her she had spoken to the receptionist with the "tattoo on her boob" the last time she came in to see him. then she proceeded to go into more depth about the tattoo. it was hilarious.

next, we went to check out some of the habitat for humanity houses that were being worked on and talked with them about maybe teaming up with them to do some projects.

lastly, we went to a woman's house who was a hoarder. this part was very sad to me. beforehand, pastor don told me that many of the people who lost everything after the storm, had become hoarders. since they had no belongings after the storm, they found comfort in keeping every single thing they came across after the  storm and put it in their houses. it is how they deal with their loss. this woman was one of these people. the work she needed done was just some moving of building materials because she had to get rid of some old cars that had been totaled in the storm. the county was fining her for permits she didnt have for the cars. she needed a permit because all the cars on the lot were technically considered a junkyard...so she needed to get rid of them. the woman had even been summoned into court for this.

the woman needed an oxygen tank because of her health problems. it was so sad to see the way this woman was living. it was then that i realized just how amazingly God has blessed me. this woman was dealing with so many problems and i complain about the stupidest, littlest things. this woman has real issues to deal with. i should be grateful for the things i have...the opportunities i am given...and the healthy condition that i am in.

now i thought this woman was in bad shape...but she kept referring to her neighbor who also needed some help...so she led us over to his house. this is the part that almost made me cry. this old man in a wheel chair opened up his door and the worst smells in the world wafted from his porch door. the man looked like a ghost and was hooked up to an oxygen tank. his eyes were sunken into his face and we all thought he was about to be sick. his neighbor made a comment that he wasnt looking so good and he said that he had been vomiting all day. he looked as though he was about to pass out, but he forced himself to stand up and walk outside and sit on a chair. he tried to tell us what he needed done in his backyard, but none of us could really understand him. he constantly had to stop himself because he was trying to keep from blacking out. he had suffered a number of strokes and heart attacks and i honestly thought he was about to have another one. he was shaking so bad and i couldve cried at the sight of this poor old man. it broke my heart. i had to force myself not run over to his side and try to catch him if he were to fall. we also found out that his wife was living off an oxygen tank. i couldnt understand how they were surviving on their own. i just kept thinking that they should be in a nursing home or something. there was no way they could be taking care of themselves.

it was the first time i asked God: WHY? how could he allow this much pain in someone's life. it just wasnt fair. i just couldnt wrap my head around it. now ive been on mission trips in the past and ive seen sadness and poverty to the extreme. but i have never seen people in actual, physical pain. it was absolutely horrible. i couldnt handle it. i wanted to break down and cry.

i am so ashamed of myself. i am so selfish and i complain about things that cant even compare to this. i feel like God should be up there laughing at the things i consider "difficult" in my life. my struggles are NOTHING...absolutely nothing compared to the things that other people endure every minute of every day. i feel so guilty. i have been so very blessed with the life i have been given. i have the best parents in the world, whom i take for granted so often. i have friends and family who love and care about me. and i have a promising future ahead of me, with endless opportunities. i need to remember that the next time i open my mouth to complain.