god loves you!

yesterday was a pretty busy day...one team went back to the house from monday to finish up work there. the rest of us stayed back with the other team. since there were so many people, we split the team up into two groups. one group was sent with jamie over to pastor don's house to do some work over there, while the rest were assigned to me, to do some odd jobs around the church. i had a long list of small tasks that needed to be done and i had plenty of workers so it looked as though we would get everything done pretty quickly. i went down the list handing out jobs and instructions to each person. most of the older youth got right to work and constantly asked me for more things to do. the guys did a lot of weed eating and the girls did a lot of pulling weeds in the garden. they worked really hard for the first hour or so.

there was a lot of material scattered around the property that needed relocating, which is what i focused on doing. i had a few helpers that tagged along with me to help with that. these kids ended up being of no use to me at all. i got really frustrated with them because they basically just talked to each other and watched me do all the work. i didnt mind doing the work, it was the fact that none of them bothered to help. i mean thats why they came right? to do work, right? or maybe it was just to have fun with each other. im a pretty patient person on the outside, but on the inside my patience was definitely being tested. to make things worse, a lot of the other kids from my group started disappearing...i guess when they finished their jobs they were going to the kitchen to eat and play cards. they were too hot to help or too tired. many of the kids that were given jobs wouldnt do them, but then say they did. at one point i asked one boy specifically to help me do a small, easy job and he flat out said no. i was shocked! it was a trying day for me, jamie, and for pastor don because they were experiencing the same issues with this group. some groups are just harder to work with than others and we just have to deal with it the best we can. we have to be patient with them, just like God is patient with us when we sin or neglect him.

last night, i spent most of the night in my room because there was a storm outside...plus i was still pretty frustrated and needed some alone time. i had bought the movie passion of the christ while i was down here because i saw it in the 5$ bin in walmart. lol. i had been wanting to watch it for a long time now but had never gotten the chance. i had gone on a search for it several times before but never found it. i guess the timing wasnt right...until now. i knew it would be an emotional movie for me to watch and last night ended up being the perfect time because of the work ive been doing here and because it was the last bit of free time i would have before i left for home. the movie moved me even more than i thought it would. i wept most of the movie and it definitely brought me a lot closer to God and gave me a better and more real understanding of the horror and pain jesus endured to rescue me from my sins. he went thru all that brutality just so i could be saved and spend eternity with Him in heaven. it was truly an eye opener for me...one that i desperately needed. anytime i am feeling distant from God or frustrated with my life or with this world, i know i can turn to this movie. i read the gospel's accounts of the crucifixion before i watched the movie, and though they were moving, they couldnt exactly evoke the same feelings as the movie did. the crucifixion was just so realistic in the movie. i am brought to tears just thinking about some of the scenes from the movie.

for those of you who have never seen the movie and for those of you who have seen it but have forgotten the impact it made on you or who are in need of a reminder...i encourage you and challenge you to watch it. and dont just think about watching it...do it! and if u dont have the movie...well guess wat? i do! so ask me for it. i will gladly let you borrow it. or go to the 5$ bin at walmart lol. maybe u will find it too. i want everyone to feel the sadness and gratitude that i felt. i want you to cry like a baby just like i did. i want you to feel the love of God bursting in your heart just like i did. whenever u are feeling lost and confused...broken or forsaken...or as if God doesnt care about you...well think again! he cares more for you than anyone ever has. he allowed his own son to die just for you! he had to watch from above, as his own creation tortured and crucified his only son. and he did it all for you. that is how much God loves you!